i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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