Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
