He had one of those small greek statue penises
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
