Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
