Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
