Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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