her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
