Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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