I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
