I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
