gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
