I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Randomize
