Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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