you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
