So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
