i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
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That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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