Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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