omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
