Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
