So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
