My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
