I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
