when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
