omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
