Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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