Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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