Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why do cheetos always look like penises
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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