ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
