problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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