I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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