My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
