Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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