areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Randomize
