in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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