Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
