this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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