just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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