So drunk, too bad you don't want this
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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