If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
