OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
It's shark week go big or go home
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Randomize
