the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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