We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
she woke up with a sticky ear
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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