I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
