sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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