i permit you to call me
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize