Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
