Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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