you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
