Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Randomize
