nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Randomize
