I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
