areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
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