Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
