You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
