I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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