Sry I called you an 8
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
