Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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