So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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