Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
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