Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
