I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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