My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
