im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
