I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
