Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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