dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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