she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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