do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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