so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
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