3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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