They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
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I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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