in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
