i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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