It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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