It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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