Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
