shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
