i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
