ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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