she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
