I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
BRING THE BAGELS
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
