Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
