Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
