he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
should my penis look like a turkey
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
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