I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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